“MecaUamenti”, por Fraterno Dracon Saccis

Posted on abr 9, 2014 | 5.837 comments

“MecaUamenti”, por Fraterno Dracon Saccis
Ilustración por Manuel Sanjulián
Las bailarinas de can-can corrían despavoridas agarrando sus abultadas faldas, escapando de la explosión de esquirlas que desató la caída de Anton Von Cramp sobre el órgano a vapor que las acompañaba en su espectáculo. Los ebrios que mirábamos hipnotizados sus interminables piernas apenas notamos que se desbandaban como gallinas ante el ataque de un zorro.
El profesor Von Cramp me habló de que la luz era más rápida que el sonido, en términos que mi reducido mundo de cabezas de ganado, pólvora y whisky no lograba asimilar, pero en aquel momento me hizo sentido.
Una nube de luz —sí, lo sé, suena raro, pero lo recuerdo como una nube— cubrió el salón, cegando a los que aún podíamos ponernos en pie. Luego vino la onda expansiva —otra de las cosas que me explicó el profesor— que nos salpicó como estiércol.
Desde algún lejano lugar me llegaban los gritos de Von Cramp.
           
—¡Corra, McColl, corra!
           
Ese tipo de instrucciones no me costaba entenderlas.
Recurrí a mi memoria para encontrar la salida. Busqué a tientas las puertas batientes, pero solo encontré vacío. Poco a poco mi visión regresaba y noté que, en realidad, ya no había puertas, ni siquiera pared. Bueno, ni el salón era ya un salón: era un agujero quemado desde donde aparecían figuras fantasmales, entre ellas mi querido profesor Von Cramp.
—Es peor de lo que esperaba McColl —dijo el profesor, mientras sacudía sus otrora finas ropas y me empujaba para que apresuráramos la huida—. Tao Chan Wu está implicado en la conspiración de los egipcios. El m… —el profesor se contuvo. Siempre se incomodaba ante las palabrotas que me salían como el aire que respiro—… mal nacido nos traicionó y entregó el libro de notas de mi padre a Among Hop Tep. Era él quien lo tenía. Por lo visto, por el actuar del «monstruo» que nos persigue, debe haber sido vendido hace tiempo ya para que lograran hacer las mejoras en él.
—¿Monstruo? —Como respuesta recibí la visión del artificio más grande que mis pueblerinos ojos hubieran visto jamás.
Mi primo Earl, que trabajaba en el tren de Florida, me había hablado de cocodrilos gigantes que se tragaban a una persona con botas y sombrero, pero el porte de esta bestia que nos perseguía bordeaba lo ridículo.
Su sombra cubría toda la calle principal. De una sola pisada aplastó la capilla que tanto esfuerzo le había costado construir al padre Beachaump. No importaba cuánto me hubiesen comentado acerca de esa cosa llamada Uamenti, no pude evitar quedarme con la boca abierta… sobre todo ahora, que en lugar de una especie carro alegórico, se convertía en un monstruo mecánico e infernal.
—Que obsceno despilfarro de recursos el construir una abominación de ese tipo. El cañón que instalaron usando la tecnología ideada por mi padre debe exigir una enormidad a los motores a vapor que del golem. Imagino que deben haber vaciado las cámaras que contenían los objetos arqueológicos de la exhibición itinerante, y utilizado el espacio con las reservas de carbón.
—¿Y por qué un cocodrilo, profesor?
—Porque es un animal sagrado para ellos. Simboliza… ¡Agáchate McColl! —una bola de luz que quemaba como el mismo infierno nos pasó rosando las cabezas. Mi pobre sombrero se retorció y ennegreció. Aún así lo seguí llevando. Me volteé y descargué uno, dos, tres, cuatro… cuando daba el séptimo disparo sentí que el profesor me tironeaba, pero apenas lo escuchaba entre el estruendo de la explosión que nos cortó el paso.
—Es inútil, no le causará daño alguno. Guarde sus balas para un mejor momento, McColl, que estamos llegando al globo y debemos apresurarnos. Si mis cálculos son correctos —dijo mirando su reloj de bolsillo—, tenemos tres minutos y cuarenta segundos antes de que vuelva a disparar. Es el tiempo que tarda en recargar el condensador de…
—Profesor, no estoy de ánimos para lecciones de ciencia.
—Lo siento; el caso es que ya tengo un plan. Arriesgado, sí, pero es lo único que podrá salvarnos y salvar al país, o incluso al mundo.
—Pues en usted confío, profesor.
***
Llegamos al globo, que aguardaba con llama baja, amarrado a un lado del corral de Jaime Cavanaugh. Soltamos amarras y, para mi desesperación, el condenado canasto tardó una eternidad en separarse del suelo. Cuando por fin comencé a sentir la brisa de la altura, el cocodrilo mecánico ya estaba bajo nuestros pies, soltando vapor como un toro enfurecido al amanecer.
—Bien, McColl: este es el plan. Cuando le indique, deberá disparar al interior de las fauces de la máquina. Yo me preocuparé de cortar los pesos para que nos elevemos más rápido y logremos esquivar la esfera energética, si es que alcanza a salir. Supongo que con el movimiento será dificultoso apuntarle pero, por el tamaño, no debería haber mayor problema, ¿o me equivoco?
—No habrá ningún problema profesor. Con la cantidad de… —y entonces caí en cuenta de que no tenía mi cinturón de balas. Debía haberlo perdido en la explosión del salón. Revisé la nuez: solo quedaba una sola maldita bala. El profesor lo entendió de todo.
—Pues en usted confío, McColl —dijo, con una sonrisa muy bien fingida. 
El cocodrilo empezó a abrir las mandíbulas. En su lomo un gigantesco —¡cómo no!— ventilador tragaba aire y cualquier escombro que llegara con él. Por ojos tenía una franja de cristal que dejaba ver la cabina y, instalado en los controles, estaba Among Hop Tep, con su barbita puntiaguda y la misma sonrisa astuta y traicionera que no se quitaba ni para hablarle al cura. Se parecía en semblante a las estatuillas que adornaban el lujoso vagón que lo transportaba a lo largo de Norteamérica, aunque con un casco de soldado en la cabeza, que se quitó al tiempo que el profesor me gritaba:
—¡Ahora, McColl!
Apunté al círculo luminoso que empezaba a crecer al fondo de su hocico y apreté el gatillo.
El globo subió de golpe ante la perdida de peso y el profesor cortó las sogas de las bolsas de arena.
Una sacudida le dijo a mi pecho que había fallado, que la esfera energética nos estaba golpeando, pero era el profesor Von Cramp, que me zamarreaba con evidente felicidad.
—¡Lo lograste, McColl! Le diste al condensador. ¡Mira!
El gigantesco cocodrilo mecánico se retorcía tal como me contaba mi primo Earl que hacían los de carne y hueso cuando atrapaban una presa, pero este había atrapado una lengua de fuego que se transformó pronto en una columna de humo. Después, cuando el agónico animal se había hecho agradablemente pequeño en la distancia, sus partes se fragmentaron y esparcieron.
La esfera había pasado de largo por debajo de nuestros suertudos pies. Cuando me volteé a mirarla se perdía en el firmamento.
—¿Para dónde quieres ir McColl? —dijo el profesor, dando un largo sorbo a su petaca y estirándola hacia mi.
—Teniendo eso en tierra y esto aquí —dije, señalando a los restos del cocodrilo y luego al brebaje—, creo que prefiero quedarme un buen rato disfrutando del paisaje.
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